Empty My Hands

No matter how hard I try, I always feel like I have to be a planner.  I want to plan every detail of every day so that things happen perfectly.  But do they ever?

I consistently forget that God has all the plans - and, unlike mine, His are perfect!  No matter how much I organize and think and decide . . . things will never be exactly what I expect.  But, they will always be the way that God intends them to be.  He always intends great things for us when we let Him work in our lives. 

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Lately, I have been run down by my thoughts that tell me how I want things to go.  I have my own plans and visions for the future and I get so caught up in what I want to happen.  Why can't I give God the room to control what is going to happen?

Over the past few days, I did manage to let God take over.  I went on a trip with some friends to Lake Placid, New York.  I didn't pick the location, the hotel, the schedule - I didn't plan any of it!  I have to admit that I was nervous heading on a road trip without a plan; but, as always, God is faithful!
We booked an amazing hotel suite, the weather was perfect, the food was delicious, and I survived a 14 mile hike!  I would not have been able to have such an amazing experience if I had not allowed God the room to work. 

As my husband and I go through life's transitions that are ahead of us, I know that we both need to give God the control.  Our plans are futile compared to His. 

This song has been playing on a CD in my car for about a month; but I didn't fully understand the meaning of this song until this past week!  It is all about giving up our own desires and plans and expectations for God's perfect plans and power.  As hard as it is to give these things over to God, the rewards are incredible and indescribable.  God is great!

Empty My Hands by Tenth Avenue North   I've got voices in my head and they are so strong.  And I'm getting sick of this. Oh, Lord how long will I be haunted by the fear that I believe?  My hands like locks on cages of these dreams I can't set free.  But if I let these dreams die, if I lay down all my wounded pride, if I let these dreams die, will I find that letting go lets me come alive?  So empty my hands; fill up my heart; capture my mind with You.  These voices speak instead and what's right is wrong.  And I'm giving into them.  Please, Lord, how long will I be held captive by the lies that I believe?  My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived.  But if I let these dreams die, if I could just lay down my dark desire, if I let these dreams die, will I find You brought me back to life?  My mind is like a building burning down.  I need Your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground.  And my heart is just a prisoner of war - a slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for. 

Healing Begins

This past weekend was Memorial Day Weekend and was -- as always -- filled with picnics, friends, and family.  The weekend was also filled with God's power and Spirit!

Right now, with everything going on in my life, all I can do is thank God for His unending faithfulness.  The Lord has been working in my family's life and it is hard to describe how I'm feeling at this point in time.  God is calling my husband and I to work for Him in a way that we were not expecting at this moment.  We are excited for what God has in store for us, but also sad about ending our service at our current church.  All we can do is trust that He is in control: of our hearts, our futures, and our feelings.  

Psalm 103:1-5 (NLT)   Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise His holy name.  Let all that I am praise the Lord, may I never forget the good things he does for me.  He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases...He fills my life with good things.  My youth is renewed like the eagle's!

Even though things are going according to God's plan, that's not to say that some things don't still hurt.  My feelings and emotions have been heightened through the ups and downs of the weekend's events.  In the midst of all of my inner emotional struggles, God spoke to me during a worship service.  I was reminded of this song by Tenth Avenue North as I sat in a church pew and cried.

God reminded me that I have to give everything over to Him.  I can't just trust Him with some parts of my life, I have to let all of my walls down and let Him be in control of everything!  

It has been so long since I have truly laid down all of myself to the Lord.  I had been trying to keep up appearances, be confident in my own strength, and act like I had everything together.  God reminded me that, through whatever may come, I need to give myself up to His control.

As I tore down my walls of pride, God began to show me that He can bring me through anything.  Just when I though that I could never be saved from hurting, He healed my heart.

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North      So you thought you had to keep this up, all the work that you do so we think that you're good.  And you can't believe it's not enough.  All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside.  So let them fall down.  There's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground.  We're here now.  This is where the healing begins.  This is where the healing starts.  When you come to where you're broken within.  The light meets the dark.  The light meets the dark.  Afraid to let your secrets out.  Everything that you hide can come crashing through the door now.  But too scared to face all your fear, so you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear.  Sparks will fly as grace collides with the dark inside of us.  So please don't fight this coming light.  Let this blood cover us.  His blood can cover us.  

No matter what you are feeling, He knows how to heal you.  Even when you don't know what you need from Him, He is waiting for you to break down your barriers and run into His loving arms.